My authentic self is free!
I have been meaning to blog regularly for years. I have dabbled in blogging and had forays into diarising, but it has never before felt like it was doing anything for me - or anyone else. I have no idea if this is going to do anything for anyone else but I do know it is going to do something for me. I do want it be of relevance to you, I do want you to read this and feel you are not alone; that you are a part of this wonderful network of humanity and we share common emotions, hopes and fears.
I know you are there. I see you. I see you, because I now see me.
I not only see me, but I now allow myself to really be me. I set myself free to be my authentic self. Without fear of being judged, or losing out, or feeling I am being complacent, or ‘missing the trick’ or ‘missing the boat’, or a host of other self-doubts.
In a slow-burning awakening, which culminated in a huge a climatic sunrise of relief, I realised that although I have found my vocation and am passionate about what I do and why I do it, I had only swapped my former imprisoned self for another imprisoned self. Since I began following my vocation, I am a better, more developed me, but still one that is hiding the real me. I am still living in others’ realities, a layer of fat, behind accepted ‘rules’, opinions, behaviour, words and actions of other people.
So far it is just the recognition that is has to be my way, being my real self, and that is freeing – the decision is made – so I feel free, from my own self-imposed prison of how I perceive I should be, how things should be, and the way things are.
I am going to share my journey with you and if one of you takes some comfort from one scrap of this rambling then I’m glad.
I love you, humanity